My precious little bundles of joy (and sometimes piss and vinegar) turned three on October 27th. We had a party for them at the place where we take circus classes. We flew on the trapeze, ate cupcakes, partook in general merriment. And just like that - they're not babies in the least. Quite honestly, they seem like they're going on five. Or sixteen. And all that dread I had of three? Somehow it seems easier than two so far. Maybe I'm delusional or hard is about to smack me in the face really, really soundly, but I'm liking three. Belly and Bug seem to be more imaginative, understand right from wrong better (even if they're still doing what they know is "wrong"), play together in a way that is more engaged than before... I don't know. Everything is just amped up a little in a good way. AND.........

About five days before their birthday, I said a crappy thing to my girls. Well, it had the potential to backfire in my face and I said it without thinking and fortunately for me, it all worked out marvelously. I said in a very exasperated tone, "You know... only babies and two year olds wear diapers. Three year olds wear panties." They looked at each other. My mind raced - what if they simply were not ready to give up diaps? Or what if only one of them was? Would the other feel inferior? Did I just plant the seed of a lifetime of not being as quick as the other to grasp things? Fuck me. But then Belly repeated to Bug, "Only babies and two-year-olds wear diapers. Three-year-olds wear panties." And Bug said, "We're almost three." I asked if they wanted to practice wearing panties all afternoon. They said yes. And my darlings, that was the end of diapers (except at nap and bedtime). It has been wonderful. Except for one thing - they've taken to mostly pooping during naptime, which means I'm still changing at least one poopy diaper every day. I've been trying to figure out how to change their poop schedule so they'll poop in the toilet. Prunes before bed? I don't know. Anyone have suggestions?

I told the girls they could be whatever they wanted for Halloween. They were "skeleton faeries." They were soooooo goth and scary to other kids their age. I thought the whole thing was hilarious and felt quite proud that my girls stepped outside the princess box.

My girls have been saying and doing soooo many funny things lately. Today, for example, Buggy called me "little lady." I asked her where that came from and she said, "Well, you're little and you're a lady." Or when we were talking about Santa coming and I reminded them that he brings presents, throwing in that last year they thought I said "pretzels" and they got both presents and pretzels; Belly said this year she'd like cheese puffs. Buggy would like a trampoline for her dolls. There are a zillion other examples I'm not thinking of at this late hour, but trust me, they are high-larious kids!

This is probably the real reason I haven't been a good little blogger the last however many months. I haven't been terribly happy. I haven't felt like me in a lot of ways. I sorta hit the bottom of that unhappiness and decided it needed to change or I was going to lose my mind. This is not a fun thing to write about but I feel I should because the purpose of this blog is to be my outlet for my thoughts. And I don't want to paint a picture that life is always rosy if it's not. Having kids takes a toll on a woman, mentally and emotionally. It's hard to stay home with them and not have as much mental stimulation as I once did. Sometimes it's hard to feel like more than roommates with your husband when we don't have time to invest in our relationship. It's a little tricky when my family and my husband and my close friends read this blog, though, because I don't want to share everything with everyone all the time. Some things I need to work out for myself. And this has been one of those things. I started going to a therapist in September and he's been wildly helpful to me. Dude has come with me a few times, as well, and is a fan. So.... things are improving. I'm feeling more like me. That's a good thing. And that's it.

More posts coming sooner than later. Promise. Cross my heart and all that stuff.