Questioning motherhood
Look. I admit that I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. There have been other goals along the way - I think in fifth grade I wanted to be a lawyer; in sixth grade I decide I wanted to be an actress and that stuck with me for, oh, ever; I did the nonprofit career thing; I've always fancied myself something of a writer (never quite figured out a job around that one) - but being a mom has always been a top priority. Here's the thing, though. I thought it would be easier than this. THIS is really freaking hard. I remind myself all the time that no one ever died of mothering two two-year-olds. I find myself screaming at them to stop screaming at each other. I count to ten 9000 times a day. There are days (today is one of them) when it's all I can do not to spank them. Sure, sure - they're cute, but that doesn't really matter when they blatantly disregard what I say to them about EVERYTHING.
- Hello?
- Quelles des vacances! And, um, sleeping with my husband just isn't working out.
- It's 8:27am
- Some things require very few words
- Camping: Rachael-style
- Porn names are helpful
- I have kids two at a time; I can whip out a fancy dinner like nothing; and I am a model mother. Okay, that last one is a lie.
- Get me to the pole
- A bedtime story
- Twintuition?
- The biggest mutha-lovin' poblanos ever
- There is a distinct difference between a bottom and a bum
- Help, please! I don't know what to tell my peeps about death.
- I always jump the gun when it comes to my own defeat
- Please don't take the babies away, but....
7 comments:
It will get better. It will. I promise. Getting out and about will help. Be strong.
I was there last week. Its the not getting out. You will feel better tomorrow, staying home for that long is impossible. You have to have adult conversations, conversations that don't include "Please do not (hit, pinch, bite, push, sit on, suffocate) your (sister, brother)"
Tomorrow we'll all hug and rejoice for making it through however many weeks of illness. And Thursday we'll abandon our husbands and let them work it out. We'll drink, we'll laugh, maybe we'll cry, but we'll be grown up ladies out on our own.
You can make it. You will make it.
Even if it's one you're still saying the same thing. I think it's time for a trip to see Grandma as soon as humanly possible for a weekend trip!! and leave them there:)
Right there with you, like usual.
Yesterday I had a friend over w/ her 6-month-old baby, and my 3-yr-old was screaming and tantruming and hitting and kicking and spent half the day in time-out, and my friend was all cooing to her baby and doing baby signs and talking about "starting solids" and saying things to me like "Ohhhh...I"m sure this is just a rough day for you guys" and "have you tried putting her to be a little early? Maybe she's tired". And it was all I could do to keep my head from exploding and shouting "You have NO IDEA how hard this shit gets!!!"
Dude. It's hard. When the person(s) you love most in the world beat you down every day, regardless of whether or not it's developmentally appropriate, it's hard. That is all.
They're like alcoholic husbands - when it's good, it's really good; but when they are mean and terrible, I feel trapped and alone and like I'm going to die. That's the best analogy I can think of to describe raising little kids. Why don't the books say THAT - even as a sidebar - when you start reading about wanting to get knocked up?!
Yikes, this sounds desperate! Will be back to Oregon in three weeks. Hang in there! - the loving Grandma
I feel this way. A lot. It actually goes in waves. Years, perhaps that seem to last forever, but oddly they whisk by. Then they're back again for the teen years. I think it's so as a mom you don't completely crumble when they first leave for school, and when they next leave for life (college, adulthood). It's the human mom's way of shoving them out of the nest, I guess. :)
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