Sometimes I'm so dumb
The Bug has been a giant handful for the last month or so and I've been feeling really deflated because I don't know what to do to curb her punky behavior. I've tried time outs and gentle warnings and screaming and this and that and everything except full-blown spankings. Nothing has really worked. After talking it over with a good friend and whining to Dude endlessly about it, it came to light that maybe she just needs more undivided attention. Duh. Of course that's the problem!
See, Belly is a bit of an attention hog. She always wants to be held. She's very lovey-dovey and affectionate. It's easy to give her a ton of snuggles. Buggy, though, is excellent at independent play and likes to show off her skills - running, jumping, somersaults, etc. She gets more praise for what she DOES while Belly seems to get more for who she IS. It's a pattern that needs to be - and will be - adjusted immediately. Dude and I are both guilty of it. And when I'm already holding Belly, it doesn't necessarily occur to me to say, "Buggy, do you want Mommy to hold you, too?"
So the last few days I've focused on lavishing my Bug with lots of individual attention - more structured play time with me and Lel (as opposed to more independent play), more snuggling, more randomly telling her how amazing she is. And it has totally worked. Instead of a dozen time outs in a day, there have only been a small handful over the course of three days and mostly for more minor offenses. Plus she's been extra huggy and kissy. She's saying "please" more and being better about waiting her turn for things. It's AWESOME. It's also a lot of work on my end and totally exhausting to be "on" all day like that. But if that's what she needs, by God I'm doing it.
Today was rough for other reasons, though. Belly didn't take a nap. And she did her damnedest to keep the Bug awake with her, ultimately succeeding. So no nap for Belly and an hourlong, very light nap for Buggy and no break for me.
I. Was. So. Cranky.
We all made it through unscathed, however, so tomorrow's another day. Hopefully it will be a good one. I know that I'll be busting my butt to be the entertainment committee for those girls. I just feel like such an idiot for not recognizing the signs earlier. I feel like a neglectful mother - not in a call-child-protective-services sort of way, but more so that I have not been fulfilling my little daughter's emotional needs and when she's been crying out for attention, I haven't done anything about it except put her on time out and yell at her, etc. Ugh. So lame.
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2 comments:
You're not dumb, or neglectful. Or maybe we all are. Being a parent is crazy. Sometimes when I put the kids to bed, I will see Nova's face, and think to myself "this is the first time I have really looked at this child ALL DAY." Zephyr just needs so much right now, that some days all I can do is what needs to be done. I have to believe we can only do our best to read the signs. And that this even occurred to you, shows that you're an amazing parent.
Dumb? Are you kidding me? There is no way you are dumb. You figured it out! Most people can't do that, or won't do that, for their kids entire childhood. I am so proud and happy for you and your family. You are a super smart and caring mom who knew something wasn't working and FIXED IT! Bravo!
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