Belly and The Bug: work

Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

Hello?

Is this thing still on? Check one.... Check one....

[Feedback.... then silence.]

Hi. My name is Rachael and I'm a terrible blogger. I make apparently-empty promises about writing more and say "yes, yes - I will!" when friends tell me then beg me to blog. It's not even that there's a lack of desire - I've just been busy. Really busy. Crazy-stressful-but-oddly-I-mostly-like-it busy. I think. So I'm not making any promises. But I'm here right now and this is what I got....

My lovelies - Belly and The Bug - turned four in October. They are more like me every day, which is both fascinating and horrifying, but each is like a different side of me. Buggy is the linear me. She's very organized and by-the-book and a straight-A student. Belly is the abstract artist me. She's free-form in thinking and behavior and lives for love. I mean, they are uniquely themselves for sure, but more and more, I'm seeing myself reflected back. It's a total trip. I remember a friend saying that having a kid was the most selfish thing he'd ever done. I didn't really understand that at the time, but now I do. I've recreated whole facets of myself, from looks right down to personality. Sometimes they even swear like me. That part is pretty funny (to me, not Dude). It's like I've said to the world, "Isn't it fun I'm here? Well guess what - here are two more of me! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!" The arrogance is astounding.

They're pretty dang cute, though. This was them on Christmas looking very Buggy (left) and very Belly and not very me at all (okay, that's a lie - they look like me)....

The girls started preschool in September and are totally loving it. It's six blocks away, so we can walk the commute easily. They have made new friends and bring home new art projects every day (it's an arts-focused school). They go Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings - plus we still have our super Nanni come over two afternoons a week - and have begged me to go more. If only money was no object....

So I know you're wondering what I'm doing with all that free time. And I'm guessing that you're guessing cooking. And I'm not. I was totally tricked into a job. Like, a job-job. A real job. Back in early September, my mom invited me to come with her to a meeting that she had with some people who were starting a nonprofit (she does freelance grant writing). The scope and mission of the organization seemed very aligned with my interests (the arts and diversity) and Mom said that I could come with her to hear more about what they were planning in case I wanted to volunteer with them at some point or get involved in some other way. We were driving to the meeting and I said, "Do they even know I'm coming?" Mom said yes. Flash forward twenty minutes and we're all introducing ourselves to each other. Mom says, "And I should mention that Rachael is my daughter." The two (whom I will call K and L) said, "Oh! Well thanks for telling us. That would've been awkward to discover later." Um, what? Why would that be awkward? They continued, "So to whom should we direct most of our questions - you or Rachael?" To which Mom replied, "Rachael." And at that very moment, I realized that I'd been totally, completely, 100% set-up on a this-is-happening-right-now job interview to be the executive director of this fledgling organization. Excuse me, but WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! I wasn't looking for a job and didn't care if they liked me or not, but the project was certainly compelling, so I decided to be perfectly honest and frank and give the best advice I could and they could think whatever they wanted of me. It was supposed to be a 45 minute meeting and it lasted nearly two hours. About an hour and a half into it, K said, "Look, you are the first person we've interviewed and we agreed that we weren't going to care whether or not we liked you personally so much as did we think you could do the job.... but we REALLY like you AND think you can do the job. What will it take for you to work with us?" All the color probably left my face. Inside I screamed, "NOOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO WORK AGAIN.... EVER!" And then inside I whispered, "Um, are they asking me to be the executive director of this really fucking cool organization that I can mold and shape and grow into my own?" And then outside I said calmly, "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you by Monday."

I was totally scared. I didn't want to make any commitments. I loved my life of leisure. The last thing I ever wanted to do was go back to the nonprofit world. I had to think about if not spending all my time with the girls was really what I wanted to do. And what about the private chef gig? Right about this same time, a woman who owns a restaurant four blocks from here offered me free use of her kitchen Monday through Friday - an incredibly, incredibly generous offer. I had to decide: path A, path B, or run away. Then my one cooking client told me that they needed to cancel my services. They loved it, but they needed to save money for one of their kids to take a class trip to Spain and my dinners seemed to be the easiest way to do it. Soooo..... be the executive director of something new and exciting or be a private chef who didn't have any clients.... I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but I was really torn. I'm not kidding. I finally decided that the private chef thing could be resurrected at any time, but the executive director gig wouldn't wait. So I did it. I accepted. And here I am, four months later, working like a crazy woman - while the girls are at school, nanny afternoons, late at night a few nights a week, a little on the weekends - squeezing in about 40 hours a week when I don't have 40 hours to give. That makes it stressful. And it's a start-up, which is stressful. And we're constantly trying to raise money to make the next move, which is stressful. But I love our mission and think that ultimately it will be more fun.

And then there are my bosses - K and L. L is a therapist and K is an actor/director and they are a couple and they co-own a corporate coaching consulting company. And they are wonderful. We click in a way that is crazy cool. I told K once that I very much appreciate that he swears as much as me and he said, "Please. I swear as much as you and three motherfuckers combined." Plus they coach executives (like at Nike and Intel) to be effective leaders and communicators. Do you have any idea how much I'm learning from them in that regard? They're basically training me to be a better leader while I lead them. We have a very open communication style and I think that, no matter what happens with this thing we're doing, we'll be great friends for a long time. They're flat-out awesome.

And on top of all of that, I'm feeling almost overwhelmingly creative lately. I know I don't really post them here (hell - I haven't been posting ANYTHING here), but I take a ton of iPhone photos and then do cool things with them - editing and such. I'm sort of really good with the iphonography sort of.... It would be fun to DO something with the thousands of pictures I have. I just don't know what. I've had a fair number of people (5ish) tell me that I should publish a book. That seems so.... foreign. And Dude has said forever that I should make prints and get a coffee house to display them for me (with those cute little price tags next to them). I don't know. I gotta think about this some more.

And that's it for now. Whew. Okay. That felt good. I kind of forgot that I like this whole blogging thing and that's why I started doing it in the first place. Maybe I'll be back here again soon.... In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it because nowhere in here did I mention my big trip to AFRICA coming up. Oh, and that I have twenty-four hours in PARIS on the way home. I'm so not even kidding. I'm so excited, I almost puke every time I think about it. And thanks for hanging with me. You really are fab. Peace out.

Porn names are helpful

I've been doing a lot of research this week into being a personal chef - who else is doing it in Portland, what they're charging for which services, etc. It's sort of exciting and sort of overwhelming all at the same time. I'm definitely cheaper than the four or so that I found and I also realized that not everybody is professionally trained, which boosted my confidence a bit. I need to set my pricing by portion size. I need beautiful marketing materials. I need to figure out exactly what licensing and insurance I need. I also need to come up with a name for my business. I asked for name suggestions on Facebook, noting that my porn name - Violet Nash - doesn't work. I was trying to be cute, but someone suggested Violet Nosh. I kind of love it. I'm not married to it yet, but I kind of love it. It's food-related, but not specific. Any of you have other suggestions?

My mind is swirling with the possibilities and logistics of all the different things I could do with this. There's the straight-up personal chef gig (I cook for you in your kitchen), but there are also little tangents that I'm contemplating. One being the potluck dish option: give me 24 hours notice and I'll make you a delectable dish to take to your next gathering. I could have a whole menu available for people to choose from including appetizers, side dishes, main dishes, desserts, brunch, etc. That would be incredibly easy.

I could also offer a soup service. Again, beyond easy. There's a soup service with bike delivery that is fairly popular here. They post three different kinds of soup each week on their website and you can order it directly there. They then deliver your soup with bread and a salad. It's $19 for a quart of soup and $32 for two quarts of soup. Um, that seems kind of pricey for soup - one of the cheapest things to make. But the ease of having it delivered and not having to think about it is what people pay for. Why not add a soup delivery to my offerings? I keep thinking of little things like that. I don't want to spread myself too thin, but soup is crazy easy and delicious.

The groceries I buy are mostly organic and the meats/fish are all from New Seasons, our local version of Whole Foods. The proteins are all labeled as to where they came from, if they were grass-fed, wild-caught, etc. I don't always buy organic if the option isn't readily available to me, though, so Dude suggested I say that my food is morganic - mostly organic. Yes or no? Cute or dumb?

So this week I made chicken wings and steamed broccoli and a surprisingly good rice-grain salad with dried fruit and hazelnuts for my clients. I had told them at our first meeting that I make excellent buffalo wings (my dad's special recipe). They finally asked for them, but it was the mom and the two kids who were discussing it with me and the one kid said, "Can you make them not barbecue, though? I'm tired of barbecue. Can you do something with lime?" Well, little pain in my ass, then they're not my excellent buffalo wings, are they? They're something else that I will have never made before, but if you want me to experiment on you, sure. I'd be happy to make something else. With lime. For your 11-year-old picky palate. He suggested I go to this wings restaurant that he likes and buy some sauce. I bit my tongue, but wanted to suggest that he could just go eat at that restaurant if that's what he really wanted. I know, I know - these are the clients and I cook for them. But why does the kid get to make "helpful" suggestions like that and the mom just sits and smiles? Ack.

Anyway, I made a marinade with lime juice, soy sauce, apricot jam, and a couple other things and they came out pretty good. They weren't MY wings, but they were good. And apparently, they loved them. The grain salad was my favorite part of the dinner. I used this harvest grain blend from Trader Joe's, added dried cranberries, dried apricots, crushed hazelnuts, parsley, and a dijon-balsamic vinaigrette. Dang it was good. Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures when everything was ready and pretty. So, um, here. Here's my plate when all was said and done....

I don't think I'll be using that picture for my marketing materials.

The biggest mutha-lovin' poblanos ever

I make this spinach dip that is crazy, crazy good. The first time I had it was at a memorial service. Not to make light of a tragic moment in my life, but I was pretty inconsolable and only eating a little something because I was tired of people coming up and telling me I should. So I put a spoonful of dip and a couple chips on a plate. I nibbled the dip. It was the BEST spinach dip ever - hot and cheesy and perfect. I found out who made it and insisted she give me the recipe. Now that's the standard easy potluck dish I make. And I always say it's like the best of white-trash cooking because there's no real cooking involved (zapped in the microwave), it uses canned and frozen food; the most complicated part is cutting a bit of onion. Oh, but it's delicious and you'd never know. And the fact that I make it, people never suspect. Ha! Anyway, I got this idea in my head about a month ago that that dip would make a great filling for chile rellenos. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. So this week I made it for my cooking gig (and us).

This is the dip uncooked.

I should also mention that I've never made chile rellenos. I was unaware that there were so many steps involved. I was a little short on time. And I broke a sweat getting it all done. I felt sort of like I was on a reality cooking show trying to get everything ready before the clock expired and I had to put my hands in the air. I didn't want to be the chef who mouths "fuck!" as I slam down some key, unused ingredient, or the one who starts crying and murmuring, "I could've done better.... I could've done better...." I almost always hate the crier. Man up, for christ's sake. But I digress.

The peppers I got from the store were ridiculously big. I could only fit half of them on my largest baking sheet to broil them, so I had to do two rounds. I broiled them, stuck them in a paper bag until they cooled, peeled, and stuffed them with the dip.

Then I dredged them in flour, dipped 'em in eggs, dredged them in cornmeal, fried them up in a skillet. THEN they went in the oven to make sure the insides were melty and hot all the way through. I served them with salsa and sliced avocado. Plus I made a green salad with a buttermilk-blue cheese dressing. They were incredibly good, but I will not make them again without another person to help me. I could've seriously used another set of hands.

These are the peppers I gave to my clients (with the salad stuff, salsa, and avocado on the side).

And this was how it looked plated on our table.

I always jump the gun when it comes to my own defeat

Okay, so I'm not feeling quite as discouraged about the cooking thing as I did last week. I got a call from the husband of one of the families Dude approached. We met him and his wife just once at a neighborhood brunch about six months ago and I honestly don't remember a thing about them except where they live. At first I thought he was calling to say no thanks - which I appreciate more than not hearing anything - but then he said that they're traveling a bunch this summer and want to do it starting in the fall. He said they keep looking at my write-up and getting hungry. "Call us when it's fall, or believe me, we will call you. We can't wait!" Then he said that he's part of a group of pediatricians who meet monthly for dinner and discussion. The dinner is as important as anything and they try something different every time - would I ever have an interest in catering a dinner for about 14 people? I told him that I'd definitely be interested, but he should know I'm not a licensed caterer or anything. "We don't care about licensing. We're a bunch of foodies and we want good food. And I can't stop looking at your list." Fun, huh?

And I know this is just one little avenue I can go with cooking. Private cooking classes could be an option. A friend mentioned on my Jinx post about someone near her who prepares dishes for people to take to potlucks. That would be incredibly easy. I don't know. I'll keep thinking and something will come of it all. Baby steps, baby steps....

Last night for my clients and us, I made baked fish with an olive tapenade crust and some pan-roasted asparagus. Dang it was good, if I do say so myself. And it was pretty. See?

It's crazy easy to make, too. To make the tapenade, put all of this stuff together in a food processor: pitted green and black olives (like kalamata), garlic, parsley, drizzle of olive oil, bit of dijon. Process. Done. And to make a crust on fish, I add some panko bread crumbs to the tapenade, mush it on top of the fish, bake. Done. Now don't tell anyone I might want to cook for professionally how to do that. They think it's some sort of magic.

Jinx

Damn. I was a little hesitant about posting my new cooking endeavor the other day because I was afraid I'd jinx it somehow. And I did. The family I've been cooking for went down to one night a week instead of two. The mom said she was feeling really guilty because she was hardly cooking anymore. I guess they've been getting three or four nights of dinner out of the two nights of food I've been cooking for them. I shot myself in the foot with my big portions. Ugh. Last week I made them peanutty noodles with chicken and broccoli, and salad. Tonight, per their request, I'm making pad thai with chicken and shrimp (personally, I would've spaced it out a bit since it's sort of similar to last week's dish, but I aim to please). Needless to say, I'm disappointed with this slight downturn in events.

Dude suggested I type up a list of sample entrees and some basic terms (pricing, etc.) and recruit a second client to keep the momentum going. I agreed and we specifically talked about two families we know who have two professional parents and little kids. Dude even said that he'd go talk to both of those families on my behalf (seeing as I hate selling myself). So I did. And Dude set out on Sunday afternoon to talk to them. But unbeknownst to me, he took a bunch of copies of the stuff I'd written and went to about five people in the neighborhood whom he thought might be interest and told each of them that I was interested in taking on a new client and it would be first come-first served (quite literally). I was slightly horrified when I found this out. Maybe it's no big deal, but it made me feel awkward. I'm not even exactly sure why. Anyway.... that was Sunday. Today is Wednesday and I've heard from no one. No. One. Not. A. One. And man am I feeling confident. Sigh. It's just a bummer.

But you know what makes me happy? Like, unreasonably happy? Maybe because I never had it as a kid or maybe because to me it means "summer" and "ageless" and "whimsy"? This....

Mmm. Sugary spun air.

HEY GUESS WHAT!!

I mean, hello friends. Has it really been a zillion months since my last blog post? Well, um, no.... but close. I know. Lame. But let's move on and start anew here because I've got lots to say. No dwelling in the past when I'm here now, right? Right.

So guess what? I'm doing something new. I've mentioned in the past that I used to work in nonprofit development and got a bit burned out, quit to raise my kids, lalalalala. I've been doing the mom thing for three years now and that's cool, but we all know that if I let that define me, I'd shrivel up and die. I'm so not kidding. Dude has pushed me from time to time to get a consulting gig a) to bring in a little extra money and b) to give me something to do to exercise my brain, retain my skill sets, have some outside adult interaction. He's meant well, but I haven't had the least bit of interest in pursuing this. But what to do, what to do.... I suppose I have to work again sometime....

I love cooking and damn I can turn it out. I really can. It's one of the few things I think I can brag about with confidence. Remember when I made all the food for our housewarming party? Anyway. Somewhere along the line I got it in my head that I'd love to be a personal chef. Screeching halt. Um, what? I have no formal culinary training or real professional cooking experience. I'm just a very good home cook. The audacity of me thinking I can do it professionally! The bravado! The hubris! Why would anyone hire me to cook for them? Especially here in Portland where you can't swing a cat without hitting a really phenomenal chef - the real kind who went to culinary school and has spent years in commercial kitchens. And that thinking is why I haven't done anything about it. Seriously. My cooking confidence is gigantic until I overthink it. And I tend to overthink everything. So tick tock time has passed and I've talked about it but not done anything because it seems ridiculous.

A good friend had two motives when she asked me to cater a small baby shower six weeks or so ago. First, she loves my cooking and wanted my food. Second, she wanted me to get off my ass and start putting my little cooking idea into practice. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind a la personal chef, but she was absolutely correct that it was a step in the right direction. We chose an Asian-themed menu (lemongrass beef skewers with peanut sauce; curried cashew chicken salad sandwiches; tofu otsu; pickled cucumber salad; minted fruit) and I sincerely had a great time from start to finish.

Lemongrass beef skewers and peanut dipping sauce

When I got home that afternoon, Dude told me that our neighbor across the street had asked him what I was up to. I guess he told her and she said, "I didn't know she did that! I'd kill to have her cook for us a few nights a week." My heart skipped a beat. Was she serious? One way to find out - I asked her. And yes, she was serious. Very. So over the next few weeks, we talked food and money and logistics and lo and behold.... I'm a personal chef, cooking dinner twice a week for a family of four. Ta da!

The family consists of the parents and two middle-school-aged boys. The dad is vegetarian (eats fish, though); the rest aren't. The boys are picky. The mom is allergic to walnuts and pecans. The scenario is not without its challenges, but it's certainly manageable. Every Wednesday night at dinner time, I bring them a hot meal that is table ready. I also bring a second meal that just needs to be heated/baked/etc. for another night of their choosing. It's cool because I'm only on the hook for one night a week but still get to cook two nights worth of food.

So wanna know what I've made so far? I'm going to assume you just clapped your hands together and exclaimed, "YES!!" You're so great.

Week One

Hot meal: orange chicken (at the adamant request of the 11-year-old), rice-edamame salad with slivered almonds and mint, and a leafy green salad with an Asian vinaigrette.

Second meal: spinach-butternut squash lasagna

Week Two

Hot meal: special miso-rubbed whitefish with lime-honey-ginger glaze, jasmine rice, sesame green beans.

Second meal: pizzas (pesto, artichoke, goat cheese, roasted red pepper, kalamata olive, mushroom, shallot; red sauce, pepperoni, roasted red pepper; pesto, prosciutto, roasted red pepper), green salad with green goddess dressing.

Week Three

Hot meal: coconut curry (chicken on the side for the meat eaters), jasmine rice, vegetable stir-fry with asparagus, red and yellow peppers, snow peas, broccoli, cauliflower, scallions, and carrots.

Second meal: creamy tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches (for the boys - smoked cheddar on ciabatta; for the grownups - gruyere and taleggio with fresh basil leaves on ciabatta).

Vegetable stir-fry prep board

The best part of all of this? I'm having fun. I like every bit of it from the menu planning to the presentation. And once I get into a real groove, I'll look into expanding with more clients. Eek! I'm doing it! Hooray!

And if anyone reading this is fearing that I'm about to turn Belly and The Bug into a food blog, rest assured that I'm not. I'm thinking this venture will be a good way to resurrect my much-neglected "me" blog. What better reminder than connecting the weekly meal with writing a blog post? It's literally like clockwork. And, uh, clearly I need to get back in the habit of writing. I'll be sure to tell you all about my precious hooligans and their recent antics soon. Now I need to put together this week's menu....

Today's Word of the Day: HARUMPH!

That's how I feel. A little pouty. A little bratty. A little...just...well...harumph! I got all polished up today for a meeting with a Portland Man-in-the-Know, a local celebrity guy of sorts. The whole idea is to network and forge strong connections that could lead to some consulting work. And clearly, there's the problem. WORK. I have come to realize that I just don't wanna!!!!!!!! Seriously. Dude thinks I should be moving forward with finding my next project so that I can always pick and choose instead of needing to jump at something I don't want to do if/when it becomes a necessity for me to bring in a paycheck again. And yes, I need to stay relevant. But so-help-me-God I'd much rather color pictures with the girls and eat cream cheese-and-jam sandwiches with the crusts cut off than pull out my Ann Taylor clothes and suit up to become Professional Rachael again. I have adult interaction on a regular basis. I'm not lacking in the mental stimulation department (I have Facebook, right?? Ha!). Just sitting in a conference room today reminded me of all the stress I used to have. I remember that feeling of panic creeping into my chest as I had 3 minutes between meetings to write a report, brainstorm the finer points of a new million-dollar project, respond to 36 emails (received in the last 45 minutes) and pee. No thank you. I'll pass on feeling like that again.

I suppose it won't be like that, though. I have no intention of going to work full-time. And certainly not at a place like where I was before: The-Nonprofit-That-Everyone-That-Doesn't-Work-There-Loves-And-Would-Be-In-Shock-If-They-Knew-What-It's-Really-Like (or TNTETDWTLAWBISITKWIRL for short). People literally Oooh and Aahhh when they hear I worked there. It takes a great deal of restraint to not vomit on their shoes. I loved my immediate coworkers and, in theory, the place had a great mission. I too was an admirer before I knew the inner workings; the ineptitude at the highest levels; the in-fighting; the "who moved my cheese?" mentality; the ridiculous, ridiculous personalities, politics and bureaucracy. I've been gone for well over a year and I am still incredibly bitter. I'm hiding it so well, eh?

Anyway, I get that the whole idea of finding a project now is so that I'm always doing something cool. I guess I'm just scared that I'll get swallowed whole again and not be able to focus on my family, which is my top priority. And it didn't help that the Bug had a rough start of things with Nanni today. I had been gone only a couple minutes when Dude walked through the dining room where the girls were eating lunch. Buggy was looking down at her highchair tray with one hand clutching Belly's tray, trying with everything she had to keep it together. As soon as she saw Dude, the lower lip popped out and she totally lost her shit. Dude held and rocked her for 10 minutes before all was good again. And then the next four hours were fine until I got home. Things like that are not making this work thing any easier for me to accept.

HARUMPH, I say!

Belly and The Bug