I was nominated for an Emmy and desperately needed a dress to wear. So, the morning of the awards, I went to my good friend Heidi Klum and asked if I could borrow something. I mean, she had TONS of dresses, right? Right. She said sure, but she had a full day of hair and makeup and I would be on my own to raid her closet.

Did you know Heidi Klum and Seal and all their kids live in a gigantic, sprawling ranch house? Yep. It was like a ranch house with wing after wing after wing. I got lost a couple times, but knew that if I just turned around and walked far enough, I'd be back in familiar surroundings. But I digress.

Heidi had several giant rooms that comprised her closet and all of her clothes were hanging by type, length and color. I went to the dress room. It became obvious pretty quickly that I'd be wearing a short dress. Even though I could probably get myself into her size (she's curvy like me), I can't fake the height - not even with big ol' heels on. I started going through the several hundred short dresses that hung around the room.

I thought this would be an easy task. Heidi always looks great. Surely I'd be able to find something simple and elegant and be on my way in no time - after all, I needed to come up with a hair and makeup plan, too. Oh I was so wrong. Every dress I pulled out and tried on had something totally bizarre about it. The hem was unfinished. The sleeves were odd and varying lengths. There were puckers where there shouldn't be puckers. A sudden rash of neon sequins appeared after the dress was on, even though I hadn't noticed them previously. I noted all of these things aloud. I started to sound very much like Nina Garcia - sorta bitchy.

Dude came in to wake me at 7:15a this morning. I was bummed. In my groggy half-sleep, I didn't know what I was gonna do because I still didn't have a dress. And then I woke up all the way. I had to get going if I was gonna shower this morning.

The strangest part of my dream? I was going to the Emmy's because my reality show had been nominated for a number of awards. The past season had been particularly exciting with many unexpected twists and turns. What reality show, you ask? Oh. Why that would be my reality. Real reality. I'd had no idea that I was being filmed this whole year, but that didn't matter because the world had been watching and they loved it.

What does it all mean??