But my grandma died last week. And I guess the girls overheard me or Dude mention it (neither of us can figure it out, though, because we both made a concerted effort for them to not find out). They've asked me a few times about death, but I've always been able to brush it off. Last night, as the three of us sat down to dinner, the Bug asked me who's daddy Grandpa Richie was. I told her that that was Grandma Lyn's daddy, her great grandpa. "Uh huh. And who was Grandpa Richie's mommy?" That was Grandma Tita, her great-great grandma. "Uh huh. And are they dead? Did they get really old and die?" Yes. Please eat your fish now. "And if someone is dead, are their eyes closed? Can they still talk? What does it mean to die? I don't want to get old and die. I don't want you to die. I don't want Daddy to die..." And with that she started crying. Oh it was so terrible. I froze. I had no idea what to say. I hugged the little sobbing bundle of girl, calmed her down, and told her that we'd talk about it another time. None of us were going to die anytime soon. She should just eat her dinner and maybe we could talk about Mary Poppins (THE favorite topic). She seemed to perk up and the subject was dropped, but clearly I need to have a talk with them about this sooner than later.

Everything I've seen online tells me that kids their age see it as something temporary, that they can't grasp its finality. After that conversation last night, I'm not sure I believe that to be true. Maybe we need to get a goldfish so it can die. But then we'd just get another one and I don't want them to think you can replace someone when they die. Mommy died? Time to get a new mommy. Ack. I'm at a total fucking loss here. Please give me suggestions if you have any.