Today's Word of the Day: HARUMPH!

That's how I feel. A little pouty. A little bratty. A little...just...well...harumph! I got all polished up today for a meeting with a Portland Man-in-the-Know, a local celebrity guy of sorts. The whole idea is to network and forge strong connections that could lead to some consulting work. And clearly, there's the problem. WORK. I have come to realize that I just don't wanna!!!!!!!! Seriously. Dude thinks I should be moving forward with finding my next project so that I can always pick and choose instead of needing to jump at something I don't want to do if/when it becomes a necessity for me to bring in a paycheck again. And yes, I need to stay relevant. But so-help-me-God I'd much rather color pictures with the girls and eat cream cheese-and-jam sandwiches with the crusts cut off than pull out my Ann Taylor clothes and suit up to become Professional Rachael again. I have adult interaction on a regular basis. I'm not lacking in the mental stimulation department (I have Facebook, right?? Ha!). Just sitting in a conference room today reminded me of all the stress I used to have. I remember that feeling of panic creeping into my chest as I had 3 minutes between meetings to write a report, brainstorm the finer points of a new million-dollar project, respond to 36 emails (received in the last 45 minutes) and pee. No thank you. I'll pass on feeling like that again.


I suppose it won't be like that, though. I have no intention of going to work full-time. And certainly not at a place like where I was before: The-Nonprofit-That-Everyone-That-Doesn't-Work-There-Loves-And-Would-Be-In-Shock-If-They-Knew-What-It's-Really-Like (or TNTETDWTLAWBISITKWIRL for short). People literally Oooh and Aahhh when they hear I worked there. It takes a great deal of restraint to not vomit on their shoes. I loved my immediate coworkers and, in theory, the place had a great mission. I too was an admirer before I knew the inner workings; the ineptitude at the highest levels; the in-fighting; the "who moved my cheese?" mentality; the ridiculous, ridiculous personalities, politics and bureaucracy. I've been gone for well over a year and I am still incredibly bitter. I'm hiding it so well, eh?

Anyway, I get that the whole idea of finding a project now is so that I'm always doing something cool. I guess I'm just scared that I'll get swallowed whole again and not be able to focus on my family, which is my top priority. And it didn't help that the Bug had a rough start of things with Nanni today. I had been gone only a couple minutes when Dude walked through the dining room where the girls were eating lunch. Buggy was looking down at her highchair tray with one hand clutching Belly's tray, trying with everything she had to keep it together. As soon as she saw Dude, the lower lip popped out and she totally lost her shit. Dude held and rocked her for 10 minutes before all was good again. And then the next four hours were fine until I got home. Things like that are not making this work thing any easier for me to accept.

HARUMPH, I say!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 | Labels: , , , , , |

 

4 comments:

Team Baribeau said...

I totally feel your pain on the not-for-profit-who-moved-my-cheese mentality. i too would hear the same accolades of where i worked and would wish NO ONE, not even my worst enemy should work there. It's a business like everything else, they just get to slap a "heart-warming" title to their crappy, underhanded behaviour. That said, i will say that working from home has it's perks. i definitely get to read books in the middle of the day. Eat breakfast lunch and dinner with my son. Take a run outside after lunch. While he builds blocks and giggles, i make a few phone calls. It all works in the end.:) And i have to agree with Dude on this... no one likes to be backed into a corner. Luckily, you are in control of how much work you do or don't do. And in the wise words of my dude... "It's better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it." I love you always!!

August 26, 2009 at 6:40 AM  
Unknown said...

Seriously: are we the same person? Because I, too, worked at a TNTETDWTLAWBISITKWIRL, and the memories still haunt me.

August 26, 2009 at 7:06 AM  
Bridget McCarthy said...

I work in government. Ineptitude at the higher levels is a requirement. The less equipped you are to actually DO your job, the more money you get paid. We get absolutely nothing accomplished. Ever. And I get to sit through many "meetings" where it's only too obvious we still operate on the "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" system. Harumph.

I say take your time - there are wonderful opportunities out there. Don't jump at the first one. Jump at the RIGHT one!

August 26, 2009 at 8:27 AM  
rachael said...

Team: You are smart. This is one of the many reasons we have been friends for 92,000 years and counting. I love you!

Melinda: Sometimes when I read your blog, I'm absolutely convinced that we are the same person. The in-laws in the Big Woods? The wisdom teeth? The nonprofit? SYTYCD? The hangover? The not-knowing-what-all-your-plants-are? I could go on and on and on... but then I might start to sound creepy. :)

Phoenix: Gov't and my old place of employment were almost one and the same. It was ugly.

August 26, 2009 at 9:20 AM  

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