I grew up a skinny girl. I weighed about 100 pounds (mind you, I'm also just under 5'4" and have tiny bird bones) until I was 21-ish. Then I gained weight as will happen when a girl becomes a woman. But I never did anything about it and, blech, I slowly began to hate my body as it got larger and softer, larger and softer. Sure, sure - I lost weight for my wedding but then gained it back shortly thereafter. I was seriously unhappy with my figure and had just started a diet plan when I got knocked up a few years ago. Um, yeah. A twin pregnancy doesn't do anyone any favors if you know what I'm saying and I think you do. After the breastfeeding was done, I was a solid size 12.
Now I want to be clear - I don't give a crap what anyone else's size is. I love people of all different shapes and sizes and would never judge ANYONE based on that criteria - except myself. I was woefully, woefully, woefully unhappy with how I looked and my self-image was pathetic. But who had time for the gym? Not. Freaking. Me. I had two kids.
Aaaannnnyyywaaaayyy..... remember my major crisis last December about turning 35? It had the effect of kicking my ass into action about getting happy with myself again - mentally, emotionally, physically; about getting good with me, my life, and where it's all headed (even if that's unknowable). I'm still working on everything, but I'm feeling a lot better about things. Dude and I are working on a few items that needed attention. I'm taking a parenting class that's giving me some tools for dealing with the girls when things are getting too nutty. And peeps? I've been losing weight. I still don't have time for the gym, but I've been counting calories and my clothes no longer fit. I did a big organization of my clothes the other day and tried on a bunch of stuff that practically fell off me. My skinniest skinny jeans? They're now my baggy jeans. It's exciting! But it also leaves me with the dilemma of needing and not being able to afford a new wardrobe.
I went to the Rack today to get some new jeans. I wasn't sure what size to get, so I grabbed a bunch of different ones. I feel sorta giddy saying this, but I'm either a 4 or a 6 depending on the jeans. And really - I think it's closer to the 4. I ended up buying a pair of sixes that I've been wearing for a few hours now and they're starting to slide down my hips. Yes, I'm totally bragging here. But only because it feels so GOOD to not look at my body and sigh with utter and complete disgust.
Remember my wish to be young again when I was sitting precariously on the cusp of my birthday? Well... I am! I am! I am! Or at least I'm the size I was when I was young. But you know what's even better? I still have all the good stuff the last ten years have brought me and don't have to give any of it up. Pretty kick-ass, eh? I think so.
2 comments:
YEAH YOU! The important part is that YOU feel good in YOUR body - no matter its size or shape or jean size.
You looked so GREAT when I was there - I'm totally inspired!
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